Wormtail's, Padfoot's, and Prong's Discussion
by caz914
Summary: Wormy, Paddy, and Prongs were bored so they decided to have a chat....
1. Chapter 1

**_Prongs', Padfoot's, & Wormtail's Discussion_**

Disclamer: If we owned HP, we wouldn't be writing fanfics.

Key: _Padfoot-italics_; Prongs-regular; **Wormtail-bold **Authors Note--underlined****

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Mr. Prongs thinks that Mr. Padfoot needs some new deodorant.

_Mr. Padfoot agrees with Mr. Prongs._

Mr. Prongs woudl like to state that the aforementioned Mr. Padfoot is also insane. Any comments Mr. Wormtail?

**Yes, Mr. Prongs. I would also like to add that Mr. Padfoot needs deodorant, and he belongs in Azkaban!**

Mr. Prongs would like to say that Mr. Padfoot desperately needs a shower!

_Mr. Padfoot doesn't agree with any of that! How dare Mr. Wormtail say that I am the traitor! And Mr. Prongs, I thought you were my friend._

Mr. Prongs would like to tell Mr. Wormtail and Mr. Padfoot that their note-writing is distracting him from his potions homework!

**Mr. Wormtail would like to say that Mr. Prongs is a liar!  Mr. Prongs said he was doing homework, but I've seen him! He's doing the disco!**

No, Mr. Prongs is staring at Lily!

_Ooohhh!! Mr. Prongs & Mrs. Lily! Ooooh! The perfect couple!! And Mr. Wormtail--Prongs was hardly doing the disco. Mr. Prongs will be teased!_

Mr. Prongs says that Lily has the cutest red hair and green eyes.....You poor jealous people.__

**Mr. Wormtail would like to say that Lily sounds "hott" and that could you (anyone) find me a "person"?**__

Nope sorry Wormy your outta luck she's all mine!

_Mr. Padfoot thinks that Lily is pretty but Jessicia is better! Mr. Prongs (no offense Lily) has bad taste. Wormtail brush your teeth and maybe we could get you a partner._

Mr. Padfoot & Wormtail, Lil happens to like me, so haha! I'm not lovesick, but I know a poodle Mr. Padfoot could date!

**Well, Mr. Padfoot. I think I can see the headline now-"Sirius Black in Azkaban Once More!" By Mr. Wormtail. Now the people will be safe!**

_That was really cruel! I was just giving you advice. Mr. Prongs I don't like poodles!_

Do you like beagles?

_"Yeah" *dreamily*_

Mr. Prongs cringes.

**No, Padfoot likes Shih Tzus! **

_I never said I didn't but I don't!_

Mr. Prongs thinks he would like to go back to the previous subject. I would like to go on and say Mr. Padfoot's hair is as greasy as Snape the Apes!

**Mr. Wormtail agrees with Mr. Prongs and says he should wash his hair, the slimeball!**

_^!*!)%&(&^)#@($(bad words directed to Mr. Prongs and Wormtail) Yes, lets change the subject to Prongs's bad hair. His is sooo messy. Mine is very clean and neat! Eat dung Wormtail!_

Mr. Prongs would like to say that he at least TRIES to keep his hair nice! Not my fault, it's a jungle and it's in my jeans, my blue jeans!!

**Mr. Wormtail (not Mr. Wormbreath!) says that Mr. Prongs should wash his jeans as well as his hair!**

_Stop picking on me & Mr. Prongs! Lets pick on the Slytherins. Snape!_

Mr. Prongs will now break into song! Snape, Snape, he's an ape!

**Ha ha ha, Mr. Prongs. ****Now Snape's hair is 10 times more greasier than Mr. Prongs's hair if I may say so myself!**

_Mr. Prongs's hair isn't greasy. Moldy Voldie, Luscious Lucius!_

Serve us, Snape! Come on, I want some lemonade over here!

Authors note: this piece of conversation says everyone will say something about themselves.__

__

_Mr. Padfoot is hott and is the best of all no matter what anyone else says!_

Mr. Prongs is better than Mr. Padfoot and is totally awesome!

**Mr. Wormtail is the best of all of the marauders and is over 50 degrees Celsius! (he's the hottest)**

***comments from folks in the same room as Wormtail* "It was -20°F in here and when he walked in it zoomed up to 95°F!" "He's so hott!"**

A/N everyone will now say something (hopefully nice) about Mr Moony, because it is the full moon and sadly he could not be with us.

Mr Prongs would like to say that his dearest friend is hopeless with the girls and owns chew toys he plays with in his spare time.  *sly smile*

_Mr Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that could have ever become a professor. He should have gone for a rocket scientist!_

**Mr Wormtail would like to say that "His friend would have liked to write something nice here" *sob*  "and he's my closest, nicest friend" *breaks out in sobs***

A/N our next segment is our best pranks.

Mr Prongs would like to share about the time he stole Snape's boxers and flew them over the quidditch pitch after Gryfinndor won the Quidditch Cup.__

_Mr Padfoot would like to share the time when he and his fellow mauraders painted the Slytherin common room gold and scarlet.  Then we made Snape a banner over his bed that said "Sirius Black is so hott, and so much better than I'll ever be, and I'm proud to admit it!"_

**Mr Wormtail would like to share the time when he and his fellow mauraders stole Professor McGonagal's hat, but gave it back when she yelled at them.**

A/N Now we will share our most humiliating moment at Hogwarts

Mr Prongs doesn't wish to tell you about when the new school governor Lucius Malfoy came to school and rallied the Slytherins, who all hung him from the balcony over the lake, which he later fell into.__

_Mr Padfoot doesn't believe he ever had an embarrasing moment, being too cool to have one. Ok, I'll tell. I was walking into the Great Hall when a certain Slytherin I don't wish to mention trips me, and I fell onto the Slytherin table and got my head stuck in a very large, very chocolate cake._

**Mr Wormtail says his most embarrasing moment was when he fell in a trick step, tripped up the steps, then fell all the way down the steps, ruining his brand new robes.**

A/N  in this portion we will list the girls we've dated and how it went.

Mr Prongs wants to say that he has dated, and is currently dating, a beautiful, intelligent (is she gonna read this?) girl, Lily. We went out for a moonlit stroll and when we were talking by the lake I pushed her in. I will remember to avoid her for the next few days...

_Mr Padfoot can not remember all the girls he dated, but he will try. Beth--good, Jessica-- very good, Shannon--fun, Merry--bad, Casey--don't ever want to repeat that experience, Kelly--good, Lily--fun/good (is James gonna read this?) Sarah--bad  and then those are just some there's still Katrina, Kelsie, Jamie, Susan, Sonia..._

**Mr Wormtail would like to say that the best person (out of thousands) was Narcissa. She was in Slytherin (though you aren't supposed to know that) and gorgeous hazel eyes...**

_Mr Padoot would like to say that that was the first and only date Peter will ever have, or get._

Mr Prongs is laughing, surprised that Mr Wormtail ever had a date...muahahahahaha

A/N now we will say the thing that we are most frightened of

Mr Prongs is very veeeeery afraid of two things, Lily angry, and rabid house elves.

_Mr Padfoot is afraid of nothing, but Snape's underwear, which could walk on its own._****

**Mr Wormtail would like to say that (since he is very brave) he is afraid of "You-Know-Who"...**

_...And the dark, says Mr Padfoot..._

Mr Prongs thinks this is the time for favorites! Padfoot's favorite smell is foot fungus, cause he smells like it all the time.

_Mr Padfoot: oh thanks, well you smell alot worse, but at least I don't say anything about it (until now)_****

_Padfoot's favorites:_

_            food: deer, joking   chicken_

_            smell: foot fungus muahahahaha_

_            color: black (duh)_

_            person to be around: Lil--I mean James_

_            least favorite person to be around: Snape_

_            favorite thing to do: tease Peter and play pranks_

_            animal: big black shaggy dogs_

_            class: not potions or history of magic_

Prongs favorites:

            food: anything sweet, that doesn't have eyeballs

            smell: not Padfoot, I don't really know, because Padfoot's stench has killed my sense of smell.

            color: red...and gold...(your favorite color isn't seriously black, is it Sirius?)__

_Shut up! sorry I had to interrupt, continue_

person to be around: Lily, cause Padfoot stinks, and he better keep his distance if he knows what's good for him!

            least favorite person to be around: Snape, Snape, he's an Ape!

            favorite thing to do: playing pranks, definately

            favorite animal: Stag, which you DON'T eat

            class: potions, I love making that evil professor suffer having me in class for an hour.****

**Mr Wormtail's Favorites:**

**            food: salad, to be thin**

**            smell: Padfoot, when he's deoderized**

**            color: pink**

**            favorite person to be around: Narcissa **

**            least favorite person: Lucious Lucius & Snape**

**            favorite thing to do: be goody two shoes**

**            favorite animal: rat**

**            class: Transfiguration**

Hope you liked it! **_We_** might write more

A/N: This is when we tell you exactly what is in our closets

Mr. Prongs says that he isn't exactly sure when he last cleaned it...what year is it? He thinks there is some moldy old cheese in there, because that's what it smells like.

_Mr. Padfoot says he has not been in his closet for a while for fear of being avalanched. My pretty purple & yellow cow is in there. And a picture of Snape with pink hair._

**Mr. Wormtail would like to say that he has just recently visited his closet and has a good idea about what's in there. My happy pony p.j.'s, my pink bunny slippers (with lace!), and a picture of my mum saying "Bye Snookums!"**

_Awwww!_

A/N: This is the most trouble we've gotten into, and how we've gotten into it.

The time Mr. Prongs got in the most trouble was when he got into a fight with Snape between classes. Not only did I get 3 weeks of detention, my hair was flashing different colors for days, thanks to Snape.

_Mr. Padfoot got in the most trouble when he tried to play a joke on Snape, but it back fired. Instead of Snape getting the shampoo and grease control for Christmas, Dumbledore got it. The shampoo wasn't really shampoo, but a shrinking solution. So...I got in more trouble than I would like to remember._

**Mr. Wormtail would recall the time he got in trouble most, and that was when he stole Professor McGonnagal's hat during Transfiguration. She yelled at him, and in fear of getting in trouble (detention), he gave it back.**

A/N: Hope you enjoyed that!


	2. Chapter 2

**_Chapter Two_**

Key: _Padfoot-italics_; Prongs-regular; **Wormtail-bold;  Authors** Note--underlined; _Lily-italics & underlined_

Mr. Prongs needs a countercurse.

_Why? inquires Mr Padfoot._

**Because he will soon die says Mr Wormtail.**

No, I need it so I can stop glowing hot pink.

_Glowing hot pink?__ cool!_

**My favourite colour!**

_MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

Now it's green...yellow...blue... Snape needs a life!!

_You just figured that out?!? Mr Wormtail seems to have gone on vacation._

Why isn't he writing back? He's scheming!

_Wormtail scheming! mwhahahaha!_

**Hardly! About what would I be scheming?**

You look suspicious and you are scheming to steal everyone's underwear!

_Mr Prongs sometimes you scare me._

**I think Mr Prongs has a fascination for other's undies...a good example--Snape!**

I DON'T like Snape's undies! It was just fun to fly them around the Quidditch pitch. It's not like I kept them as a momento!

**Are you sure, Mr Prongs? I think you're not telling us something!**

Ok it was me who gave the Slytherins your underwear to hang on the flagpole.

_That was a great trick! When are you going to put DJ and Hogwarts together?_

As soon as you want to and DJ's attention is on something else. I am going to sing!

**Please spare us Mr Prongs! My ears might fall off!**

I was just at singing lessons! I have a beautiful voice, ask Lily!

_Mr Prongs is right. He sings very well. Wormtail stop picking on him & me. You need to brush your teeth but we don't always bother you about it. _

Some people like growing moss on their teeth.

**You people are very rude! I just know the last time that I heard Mr Prongs sing (before singing lessons) it was terrible! And Mr Padfoot maybe I should give you a lesson in putting on deodorant! And spraying yourself with air freshener!**

_Well maybe we should give you a lesson on brushing your teeth._

**I brush them just fine! But with youor smelly problem, even Mr Prongs agrees with me that you smell like dung!**

We'll change his name from Padfoot to Dungfoot then. And Wormtail, you are now Wormteeth.

_*Sniff, sniff*  You know Mr Prongs other people have feelings too. And I stuck up for you._

Sorry but I couldn't resist...now for singing! *begins to sing Phantom of the Opera.*

***Gags and falls over pretending to be dead.***

*Continues wailing the Opera.*

_*Yawns* Time for my nap--sing a lullaby, Mr Prongs._

*Sings louder to keep Padfoot awake*

***Moans in anger and pulls pillow over his head to block out the screeches.***

_*Starts to snore loudly*_

*Screeches louder.*

_(Lily:) What's going on, is someone dying??_

__

*Mr Prongs shuts up.* No, Padfoot's snoring.

_*Padfoot wakes up* Uh hi Lil'._

_Lily: Did you know your snoring sounds like someone screeching the Opera?_

__

_No that was Prongs! He was screeching the Opera!_

***Wormtail comes out, teeth nicely brushed. Bats eyelashed at Lily.* Hi Lily.**

*Punches Wormtail off the chair.*

_Who do you think you are Wormtail?!? I am a little Nobby Nuttcase said Wormy._

**I am actually not a nuttcase. *Stands up. Sees he has made a dent in the floor from being pushed off the chair. Starts to cry and runs into his bedroom so Lily wouldn't see him cry.***

_Lily: *Gives them all weird looks.* I'm going to find some people who AREN'T insane to talk to..._

__

_I'm not insane...yet._

No don't leave! Let's all play a game...

***Comes out tear-free* Yes let's all play a nice game! *Gives her a puppy dog look.***

_Lily: *cautiously* What kind of game?_

__

_Fetch!_

**Super Mouse!**

_Hunting! It's deer season!_

Hey!! Let's have a snowball fight and bury Padfoot in the snow *cough* and forget about him *cough*

_Yeah!! I mean hey!_

Pillow fight!

**No let's play hide & seek but not outside--it's scary and dark! *wimpers***

_Lily: *begins beating Padfoot with a pillow*_

__

_Hey! *grabs pillow and starts beating her back.*_

***Has a sudden vision of Snape saying "I am your father" to a young boy (not yet born) named Harry.***

_Lily: *knocks Wormtail out of his vision by beating him over the head with a pillow*_

__

_Don't knock him over again! He'll put a hole in the floor!_

***Starts to cry hysterically and again runs into his bedroom.***

Oops. *begins hitting Lily lovingly with a pillow*

_Lily: *slams him back with a pillow hard*_

__

**_Mwhahahahahahahahaha!!!!!_**

**__**

**__**

A/N: That is all for chapt 2! please R&R!!


	3. Chapter 3

**_Chapter 3_**

**__**

Key: _Padfoot-italics_; Prongs-regular; **Wormtail-bold;  Authors** Note--underlined__

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_            I am going to write while Prongs ties himself into knots playing Niblet which is going to take over the world if we dont beat level 3.  Today we played our latest prank on poor iunsuspecting Wormy.  We Caution taped his room while he was busy.  Prongs and I are staying at his house for  a week and are having lots of fun being soooo nice to our dear friend.  Mwhahahaha!_

            Poor Wormbreath, totally unsuspecting.  you arent still upset are you?  Hey lets show everyone these fuzzy pink bear I found in his closet! 

            **How rude of you!  My teddy bear isnt in my closet-- it is on my bed! And I am not still mad about what you did!**

Are you sure? We can fix that....Padfoot distract him while I grab his underwear which is pink too!

            ****

**            Yes I do have pink underwear.  (how did you know?)  but if you were smart Padfoot you'd look in  your room!**

            _Not bad Wormtail we've taught you well.  Caution tape and silly string everywhere.  _

            Caution! Marauders on the loose! Lets prank Snape! Lets set his hair on fire! The only reason he stays in dark cellar all summer is because his hair is so slimy and greasy it would catch fire in the sun.  

_BEWARE OF THE MARAUDERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_


End file.
